Hello Friend. I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! (((abandoned)))
I can't say I have walked in your shoes, because I haven't. But I've walked on the financial crisis path. There are times it gets to the point for awhile where you feel it would be better to be dead. The bill collectors start to harrass you. They call day after day, like Ed McMann just showed up with a million dollar check at your door and your circumstances to pay have magically appeared. I remember telling one, look, I'm already behind on my mortgage and I'm just trying to not lose my house and have heat for my babies. (It was cold, -20 and we only had a kerosene heater and a fireplace in the living room. The temperature in the morning was about 52 inside the house and that was after getting up several times each night to feed the fire and check the heater. A morning track out through the snow to the woodpile and several trips to gather enough wood to dry before I needed to use it. It was hard. And pumping that kerosene into 5 gallon containers in the cold and wind, driving the slippery roads..... well, they say what doesn't kill makes you stronger. The ceiling in the kitchen leaked every time it rained. Had to put out rubbermaid containers to catch it...there's more, but I'll spare you. And now I look back and am proud that I made it.I am also in awe of our ancestors who lived worse than this and felt better off than their ancestors!
Still have bills that need to be settled, but the first year the furnace was fixed, every time it kicked on I realized what a blessing it was that I had taken for granted. Still appreciate that sound. I remember lying in bed back then thinking what do I have to be thankful for. And I thought, well, I have a warm and dry bed. I have enough to feed my family, and I have them. Sometimes just thinking of something worse than what you have to deal with can give you the strength to go on. I thought about the poor homeless who didn't have such luxury. Those in poor nations who would think me a queen to see my carpeting and not dirt floors. I remember a friend saying "You gotta look at the bright side or you'll go insane". He didn't even know what I was going through, but was speaking of his own experiences. He had just been through a lot.
Hang in there. "This too shall pass". This was about 5 years ago. Hubby has a great job. We moved south (NO HARSH WINTER). Kids are healthy and in school. House is comfortable and inviting. Left jws. Celebrated first christmas. Everyones had a birthday party. We are content, peaceful and happy. There is still bill juggling, but I think everyone who isn't obsenely wealthy has those issues. There was a thread on here about 2 weeks ago or so that talked about how some are in debt up to their eyeballs to maintain a way of life that looks like they have it all together. My in-laws are like that. When they are older, I'm afraid we'll have to support them. They have always lived above their means. They look well off. He makes great money, but they are mid 50's and keep re-financing their house and only outright own one old truck and maybe a boat. Everthing else is payments. This has scared me. They will leave us bills when they go. But thats putting the cart before the horse.
I hope hearing that others have had tough times and felt despair help you through. It's a tough spot to be in. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I will say it helps me think of others more. I'm not one to let people know my problems. My own mother didn't know much neither did my best girlfriend. There is pride and privacy issues that make it hard to share. I love my husband more than anything and never wanted to minimize his sacrifice and all he has always done to put us first. But time and unforseen occurance befall us all. He is still my SuperMan. I am a very fortunate woman to have him. Your posts seem to reveal some beautiful qualities in you as a person. I admire your tenderheartedness and honesty. You seem to be a kind person and I wish the best for you. When you need a boost or validation, just ask. We're here.
Kitten Whiskers
